I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so let's talk penis.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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