I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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