Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize