My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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