Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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