i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
