I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They took my balls.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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