I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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