bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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