My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
