Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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