She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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