Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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