Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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