ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
