I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
