Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize