Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
