but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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