why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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