wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
