I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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