just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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