You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Everyone says I win the strip club
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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