Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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