First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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