it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
