My nipple is on Facebook.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
