I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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