And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
