Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize