I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
