miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
