When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
