your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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