I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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