if you like me you must not know who I am
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I love you.
Bad choice
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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