omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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