It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
