I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
