You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
