I am puke
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
