Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize