If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
