why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
