I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
