dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he was CRYING into my vagina
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
