what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
