The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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