he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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