the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
