where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
