He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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