? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
