:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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