Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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