i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
