On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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