It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
