On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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