Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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