ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
