Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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