just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
