what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize