to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
