Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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