Welp...herpes.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
