I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
