that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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