we have pet lesbian snakes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize