The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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