it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize