I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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