am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
