did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize