I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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