I could have mohawked her pubes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
