So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish I only lived at night.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
