New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
FUCK WHALES
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