ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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