Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
