I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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