Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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