Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
