were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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