dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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