she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize