How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
