I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I love you. Go after that dick
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
