i don't like sucking hair
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
