You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
