Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
