talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
