I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
