So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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