We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
