addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize