We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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