sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He felt like a one man threesome
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
