I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
