Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this just has baby written all over it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
