Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
