so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
